musings.... on a lunchbreak hehe

I was talking with this guy last night until wee hours. (if you call 12midnight as wee hours coz I am usually asleep by 9pm--lola alert!)

I realized that we've been doing that for almost a month now, talking non-stop texts messages/calls in the morning upon waking up... throughout the day... and the last message I usually send or the last call I make is with him. Each day. Each night.

A month. Wow, I didn't even notice the month went by.

We see each other and we laugh like two lunatics. We tease each other until one gets annoyed/frustrated. We talk about plans of traveling together.

Then I realized I'm scared to make plans with him. Or even admit that I care for him... deeply. 

I realized last night while I was talking to him about our goals in life (yes, we're deep like that haha) that I like him. I really really like him.

We talk about serious stuff. I told him some of my secrets (:P) he told me some of his goals. 

The other night we were talking about some serious shit (pardon that one) and I remember telling him that I don't want him to be disappointed of my actions. He didn't immediately replied. So I hang up and fell asleep thinking he was angry and that for sure that was the end of it. I woke up with a message from him saying that we'll cross the bridge when we get there and that he appreciate everything about me. (Major kilig factor! Damn!)

But still I'm scared to fully open myself up to him.

I don't want to lose him as a friend. I have had relationships that I wanted to remain friends with but somehow that didn't work. We're all not talking now and I miss the friendship. Sayang e. And now, with him I don't want to lose that.  If I tell him how I feel and he doesn't feel the same, what now? I bet things will be awkward and I don't want it to be awkward. I'm pretty sure I can handle rejection (I've had some experiences in the past that toughen me up for rejections). But losing the friendship, that I don't want. That I don't want to handle.

I think we are both dancing on that thin invisible line of being friends and being more than that. But neither wants to move past it.

Funny he has creep into being one of a few important people in my life right now. 

Its a scary thing, you know. Pfffft

:(

pretty(lost and scared)twistedchick