musings.... on a lunchbreak hehe

I was talking with this guy last night until wee hours. (if you call 12midnight as wee hours coz I am usually asleep by 9pm--lola alert!)

I realized that we've been doing that for almost a month now, talking non-stop texts messages/calls in the morning upon waking up... throughout the day... and the last message I usually send or the last call I make is with him. Each day. Each night.

A month. Wow, I didn't even notice the month went by.

We see each other and we laugh like two lunatics. We tease each other until one gets annoyed/frustrated. We talk about plans of traveling together.

Then I realized I'm scared to make plans with him. Or even admit that I care for him... deeply. 

I realized last night while I was talking to him about our goals in life (yes, we're deep like that haha) that I like him. I really really like him.

We talk about serious stuff. I told him some of my secrets (:P) he told me some of his goals. 

The other night we were talking about some serious shit (pardon that one) and I remember telling him that I don't want him to be disappointed of my actions. He didn't immediately replied. So I hang up and fell asleep thinking he was angry and that for sure that was the end of it. I woke up with a message from him saying that we'll cross the bridge when we get there and that he appreciate everything about me. (Major kilig factor! Damn!)

But still I'm scared to fully open myself up to him.

I don't want to lose him as a friend. I have had relationships that I wanted to remain friends with but somehow that didn't work. We're all not talking now and I miss the friendship. Sayang e. And now, with him I don't want to lose that.  If I tell him how I feel and he doesn't feel the same, what now? I bet things will be awkward and I don't want it to be awkward. I'm pretty sure I can handle rejection (I've had some experiences in the past that toughen me up for rejections). But losing the friendship, that I don't want. That I don't want to handle.

I think we are both dancing on that thin invisible line of being friends and being more than that. But neither wants to move past it.

Funny he has creep into being one of a few important people in my life right now. 

Its a scary thing, you know. Pfffft

:(

pretty(lost and scared)twistedchick

 

ramblings in the midst of colds

I am not easily angered

And I easily forgive

I am admittedly dense about a lot of things going on around me

Its probably because I don't like to assume things

I always want to hear the truth--whether it will hurt me or not.

I'd rather feel the pain of honesty

Than be happy being made a fool

Communication is important in any relationship

Its the one thing that makes or breaks it

Because at the end of the day, 

When someone misunderstood one's action or intention

A hurting heart is broken with mistaken information.

I learned the other day that validation is the key.

ALWAYS VALIDATE. NEVER ASSUME.

Never react without confirming the truth.

I'd rather react knowing all sides and angles

than wallow in a pit of bottomless imaginary hurt.

I've already done my part.

I, too am proud.

But with just one hello,

who am I to turn my back?

I, too have a heart.

 pretty(sick of cold-shoulders, I am but a warm body)twistedchick

*wink*wink*

PS

(I don't know if I am making sense at all! I'm blaming my colds right now for my disillusioned mind hehehehe)

a reminder from the past

I am feeling down these days and I was cleaning up my emails when I found this letter of a friend of mine. This is a response to my "Changing Sails" blog entry few years back when I was on the verge of giving up lawschool.... Now I'm on the verge of giving up again, maybe this life is not for me. hmmmm

prettytwistedchick  (she wrote my nickname and I dont want to divulge it to the world ha!),

 

I commend you for having the courage to bestow upon yourself an ultimatum that will truly change your life. It takes a lot to do that, to decide what you want and to finally own it.

 

It is really scary to suddenly do away from a comfort zone to travel a path unknown. People sometimes tend to stay put because the uncertainty of being involved in new things fear them. But those restless spirits will come to a point to seek the uncertainty and risk it so to feel alive again.

 

We both know how demanding Law school and how it has dominated our lives. But we continue to embrace it for we have the conviction that it is indeed part of our dreams.  Many times, no matter how passionate we are and how strong our will insist, failures and hardships seem to attract us to feel cold towards the burning desire we have build up.

 

(prettytwistedchick!ha!), your family and friends (including I) may always tell you to “never give up”, “that you can make it”, “that things will get better”, “just be patient, and all ends well”…… but I know, there are just times that encouragements are not enough to push and keep you going.

 

I very much understand your “ultimatum” and I will support you for whatever your heart and spirit desire.

 

But may I say this to you,

 

You are still young my (prettytwistedchick). I believe that age is just a number. It is the state of mind and heart that makes one’s spirit feels old. Whatever endeavor you’ll choose, just remember that it is never too late.

 

“Man may make plans in his heart, but what the tongue utters is from the Lord. All the ways of a man may be pure in his own eyes, but it is the Lord who proves the spirit. Entrust your works to the Lord, and your plans will succeed. The Lord has made everything for his own ends, even the wicked for the evil day. In his mind a man plans his course, but the Lord directs his steps”

-         Proverbs 16:1-4; 9

 

Do not be afraid, (prettytwistedchick). The uncertainties will come clear in God’s time.

 

Others may not approve, some may get hurt, few may not understand; but, it is your approval, your feelings and your understanding which is more important.

 

Whatever your plans and choices will be….you either being a fresh-water fish or salt- water fish…..Your family, your friends, and I, will be your corals in the ocean of life ;)

 

 

Always,

xxx

I wish life is simple...but we don'y always get what we wished for, right?!

prettytwistedchick

what I did/ate/met last December 2012

 A recap of what I did last December 2012...

1.) I became a (fairy?!?) godmother...again!

had fun with the bear souvenir

2.) Became an on-the-spot commentator at a friend's wedding

pretty flowers

with my GREAT friends

3.) Party with officemates

4.) Non-stop baking for Christmas give-aways!

5.) Celebrate Christmas and New Year with the family

PROMISE, I will start my diet tomorrow! hahaha

6.) Endless social networking

In 2012, I attended more parties and ate more food than what was really posted here. Met new friends and let go of some. Discovering new things about myself and exploring more places. Became more aware of what life has to offer. Became more accepting of my flaws as well as others. My heart had its highs and lows, I've laughed till I cried and I cried till there was no more tears to shed.

Blessed 2013 ya'll! :)

macki's despedida

Backrow Girls @ 2011 (minus Charmie, Susan, Aina and Philly)

Date: March 8, 2011

Time: Tuesday night to Wednesday morning

Last week, we heard the news that our friend Macki is leaving for Singapore this Thursday (tonight actually!). So despite our very busy schedule, we took the time out to see her—a sort of "send-off"—as she embarks a new life in that foreign soil.

As always, I'm the early bird. Our dinner was scheduled around 7pm at The Kitchen in Greenbelt 3. Since I am a-skip-and-a-hop-away from Greenbelt, at about 5pm I am already there. We (Mai, Millet, Claire and Che) agreed to give Macki a tumbler, as a going away gift, and I was tasked to buy it just because I have a lot of spare time. By 5.30pm I have nowhere else to go, and it is not within my agenda to roam endlessly for 2hours, knowing FULL-WELL that my friends have this tendency to be late (this is a given already!). Starbucks was filled with people and so was Coffeebean (my fave café in Greenbelt). I decided to stay and wait for them at Seattle's Best Café (literally beside The Kitchen).

As I wait, I ordered Caramel Javakula and Oreo Cheesecake, while I read my book-of-the-week, The Time Traveller’s Wife. Their Caramel Javakula is quite good, surprisingly. It was not too sweet for a caramel-based drink. Just right for my taste-bud! Yuh-meh! 

However, their oreo cheesecake was a disappointment!!! It was dry, I think it was over-baked a bit. It pales in comparison with Starbuck's oreo cheesecake—the best I've tasted, so far! (my goal in my "culinary/baking" life is to be able to come-up with oreo cheesecake similar with that of Starbucks hee hee hee)

The first one to arrive was Claire, 7.15pm (not bad right, only 15mins late!). She shared with me her new found hobby—baking! 

Yehey! I found a partner! 

While I've observed our group's love for eating, not too many of us are fond of cooking. Actually, Millet is the "cook"; I was more of a "baker" and now Claire too!!! We talked about taking short-baking-courses, before we actually enter the real "culinary" school world.

Then Che arrived. A few minutes later, the reason for this meeting arrived—Macki. This is our despedida for her. We've decided to continue our discussions (girly-talks) at The Kitchen.

logo...cool, right?

The Kitchen was actually a surprise. The ambiance was great (although a little too dark for a person like me who needs my contact lenses/glasses to see things clearer). I liked effect of the "lighting" or the (slightly) lack thereof in pictures. Our pictures turned out great! Hahaha

The latest to arrive are the siblings—Mai and Millet. The reason, they bought some Justin Beiber tickets! (I still cannot believe these 27/29 years old, respectively, still got some Beiber-fever haha!)

Huge Peak

As appetizer, we ordered, Huge Peak, a combination of seared tuna, chicken wings and mozzarella cheese. I loved the fried mozzarella cheese and the chicken wings (plus the vegetables on the side) but I did not taste the seared tuna. Despite being a huge fan of tuna, I have an aversion with eating anything raw—except vegetables, I eat washed lettuce! hee hee hee

big meal

As a meal, I must say that the serving was gigantic—meant for sharing! (But we did not share our food with this one so I was a bit overwhelmed by what I ordered).

Sirloin Swirloin

Mai and I both ordered Sirloin Swirloin, described as mouth watering grilled sirloin swirled with sweet-salty demi glaze. Funny because I had a hard time finishing the meal but when I looked at Mai's plate, everything was wiped clean! I envy her metabolism, darn her! Hehehe

Mai's plate (upper left) and my plate (upper right)

Mai finished the whole thing while I ate only half of what was served!

Macki, ordered Hot Tomato!—Penne fritanier, tomato-ginger sauce topped with pan-fried beef tenderloin (says the menu). I was eye-ing this one in the menu but Che told me that the pasta was quite HOT. So I decided to order the swirly thingy! It looked appetizing, though! :(

iced tea...a little too bland for me!

Sheepish Grin

Claire, on the other hand, ordered Sheepish Grin—juicy lamb chops dressed with pepper sauce (again, according to the menu description). I thought it was the adobo meal, but Claire corrected me and said that it was the lamb meal! (that's actually how we described our food!hehe)

Achl's Indulgence

And lastly, Che and Millet went for the Achl's Indulgence, described as spicy prawns in linguine pasta. I wanted to order this one too but the minute I saw "prawns" I backed out. I don’t want to spend the entire evening with allergies all over me! No, thank you!

As drinks we ordered Iced tea (ulk! It tasted bland!), Lemonade (how I wish I ordered this one), and Coke Zero.

Over-all evaluation of the place was great! The menu is a bit pricey (but then again the serving was meant for sharing) so I'm not complaining!

We had our share of stories—reminiscing the past, updating with what’s current and plans for the future. We talked about our soon visit to Singapore (hopefully the tickets are courtesy of Macki hee hee hee) and to CamSur (sponsored by Ains—not with us in this dinner). As usual there were lots and LOTS of laughter. Mai, Che and I were the crazy ones who never lasted 5minutes (during our meetings) being serious. I dunno how we did it but there’s always someone who’s idea is waaaaay out of the ordinary and funny! We leave it to Claire, Macki and Millet to keep things in order and put us right on track! :D

the more "tamed" ones

the crazy trio

Then we head for dessert. Only one place was in our minds—Contis!

more girly talks at Contis

For dessert I ordered Chocolate overload cake (for a chocoholic like me!). YUMMMMY!

Chocolate overload cake

Che, Claire and Mai ordered Mango Bravo (this is what Contis is famous for).

ginormous Mango Bravo! (brah-vo!)

Macki ordered Blueberry cheesecake while Millet ordered Mango Tart. Again, never ending chikas.

As we head home, we had our Metro Manila roadtrip from Las Piñas to Manila to Quezon City then to Pasig.

the good times...

Bon Voyage Macki…may you find the success you are looking for in that country!

See you soon!

another fun day with the girls,

prettytwistedchick